Growing Pains

Growth hurts. I do not just mean the growth we experience through puberty but through change. Through becoming a new person for whatever reason, whether for better or for worse. Some of the pain comes from the work one has to put into completely changing themselves as changing every single aspect of yourself equates to changing the habits you do daily. That is, you are the sum of your daily habits to some extent, and as we all know, old habits, and especially bad ones, do not go away so easily. 

The immense difficulty of changing one's habits is doubtless familiar to you all. After so many attempts the endeavor seems almost futile. But after a while those habits do change. You begin to become consistent with them and start to see positive results in your life as a consequence. This should be motivation enough to continue these habits, but the human proclivity to become complacent must not be underestimated. It is more likely that, once we see the positive results from the change of habit, we become satisfied and stop doing those habits only to end up back in the same place we started, meaning we have to hop back on the saddle so to speak and redo what we just tirelessly worked to be consistent at.

Another source of the pain of growth come from the fact that it requires honesty with oneself. We have the proclivity as well to suppose ourselves to be worthy of praise, admiration or love of another person for reasons that are never clear or never reasonable. It shows the inadequacies that we have subconsciously always been aware of but have ignored for the more preferable image that we hold of ourselves; the image of the person we would like to be/become. In short, it shows us how delusional we can be when concerning who we really are as people. The fastest way to show this delusion is to be rejected by the ones we love. It shows us that we are lacking in something. This is indeed a painful realization, but it must be met head on. For more pain will be caused by trying to run from the inadequacy rather than trying to figure out what that inadequacy actually is in the first place and seeking to change it in some way. 

But the source that cause the most pain is the time it takes to change for the better. We can very quickly change for the worst but the ascent to excellence is slow and arduous indeed. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO) settles in and we imagine that life and people are going to leave us if we take too long to become a person we actually can look at in the mirror without absolute disgust and hatred. It almost is like the world is screaming at you, "Already be the person who is worthy of love, acceptance and admiration, or we will leave you in the dust". So, to not miss out, we put the growth process on halt to not get left behind. We start to become resentful of people for that. It almost seems like people won't treat like a human until you become what they consider to be a human, either through a criterion of physical attractiveness, financial worth or some other inconsequential metric.

The reason why I bring all this up, dear reader, is to show you just how painful growth can be. It hurts like hell. It's not going to be fun, though there will be times in which you are very happy with the progress you made. Somedays you will absolutely hate yourself and somedays you will absolutely hate other people. The time it takes to become who you want to be may shy you away from walking down this straight and narrow road; but what lays at the end of this painful path is something more beautiful than you can ever imagine.

Those old and bad habits change to good habits. Habits that positively contribute to your life and the lives of others around you. You will eventually come to terms with you who actually are so that you can take the steps to become who you are meant to be. The time will fly past once patience is mastered and the habits you have built up become secondhand nature, and in time you will look back on that time in fondness. Eventually you fall in love with the process of growth. You become and addict of sorts, always chasing it in some way, shape or form. 

Growth hurts, but for good reasons. Even in the most painful of situations, there is hope for a better tomorrow and a brighter future. But that hope can only be validated through the contentious effort that one puts in to ensure that that better tomorrow and brighter future actually transpire the way they imagine it to. Only then will the pain start to make sense and mean something. 

Take care.

Guide to Finding a Good Woman for Marriage

 Table of Contents

1. A Good Woman Defined
2. You're Not Looking for A Good Woman
3. The Type of Man You Must Be (Or Become) To Attract a Good Woman
4. Dealing With Your Bitterness Towards Women
5. Conclusion

Time, when looking for a Good Woman (this will be defined later in the article), is a valuable asset that should always be kept in mind. You do not want to waste your time with vain, lawless and capricious women, but neither should a Good Woman have to suffer at the hands of a traumatized, weak, slothful, unattractive man who's only reference of women are the dysfunctional relationships that he, and other men, have had with them in the past. You must understand a few things before you can find, what can be called, a Good Woman for marriage. But first, what is a "Good Woman"?

A Good Woman Defined

The famous "Trad girl in wheat field" image.

A Good Woman is any woman who can rightly have the quality "Good" ascribed to her. A Woman is a biological female person with gametes, XX chromosomes, a high or normal amount of naturally occurring estrogen produced throughout their bodies, and whom in principle have the ability to reproduce with the male sex. So only a "Woman" can be a "Good Woman". Any reference to anything other than a Woman as a "Good Woman" is merely inconsequential and meaningless.

"Good" can be defined with that which is in line with God. therefore, a Good Woman is a godly woman. For those of whom may not have strong religious leanings, "Good" can be defined as that which is morally right, Just, pure, ethical. Therefore, a "Good Woman can also be defined as a Woman who is moral, pure, ethical, has standards and boundaries. This definition is clear enough to get some idea of what a Good Woman is supposed to be, but we need a clearer definition, something more obvious.

Therefore, a Good Woman is any woman who possess those qualities of Virtue, prudence, patience, kindness, femininity, willingness to allow another of whom she trusts to lead her (Husband), caring, thinks about others before herself, modest, humble and intelligent. She many times cares greatly about her health, her beauty, has a deep love, appreciation and respect for her husband and has a deep love for children. A woman who finds children annoying and a nuisance can automatically be disqualified from being categorized as a "Good Woman" because the hatred of children in woman is a very unnatural, and very unattractive, phenomenon and shows a high degree of selfishness and self-centeredness that is not conducive to a long lasting, strong, happy marriage.

She many times is religious, but these qualities can be shown, albeit to a lesser degree, in women who do not have strong religious leanings, though it is extremely rare (Good luck on your search for her, though!). She values family and has a strong desire to start her own. She is a great communicator and has very good judgment. She is reliable, hardworking, honest, loyal, trustworthy, forgiving and temperate. In a relationship, she always tries to make an effort to make you feel loved, appreciated, cared for and desired. She motivates you, inspires you and pushes you to achieve greater indirectly; that is, through her being a great woman, you are motivated to be the great man she deserves. She tends to prefer to stay home, though if she does go out, she will go out with a few close friends or family members; in short, she is not a party goer/ party girl.

This suffices as a definition of what constitutes a good woman. Much more can be said on this, but that goes beyond the scope of this article, and others more equipped than I can say it with much more clarity and brevity than I have here. All these things do indeed sound like what most sane Men want in a woman, that is, the woman they want to stay with for the rest of their lives. But why have you not found them? Where are they? Do they even exist?

You're Not Looking for a Good Woman

Now is the time for brute honesty with you lot. You, as a Man, cannot find a good woman because you are not looking for a good woman. That is, you are simply looking for a woman who is pretty. There are plenty of woman who are pretty, there aren't a lot of them, at least nowadays, who are good women. The fact that you are doing this shows two things:

• You are a simp
• You do not have high enough standards for the women you deal with (You are a simp)

Firstly, you need to question why are you a simp? The most likely explanation is that you are starved for female attention and place your value in whether or not they find you attractive. Do not mistake me for saying that the desire to want to be physically appealing to women (I will talk to about this more later) is a bad one, rather, I am saying that placing your value as a person in whether women desire you or not is bad. You can want to be more physically attractive to women without placing your whole value on whether or not they find you attractive. A second likely explanation is that you watch a lot of porn. Doubtless you know the dangers of porn (If you do not, I recommend reading this page.) so I shan't go into details. One thing porn does is make you an addict to pleasure. Pleasure isn't a vice, but the love of pleasure is. It is also a crippling desire. It hampers and stultifies growth; growth that is needed to mature into the man that you need to become to attract a good woman, to gain discipline, and to achieve your goals in life. Moreover, because the pleasure you derive from pornography comes from the women on the screen, therefore you become a slave to the pleasure that women give you from the screen (Which isn't real pleasure from a woman, but fake pleasure) and, therefore, become a slave to women in general. One thing a Good Woman does not like, nor deserves, is a desperate man. A man with no discipline, principles or standards for himself is not a man but a dog. Stop being a dog and become a Man, that is, if you want to find a good woman. Stop watching pornography, to stop being a slave to women, to stop being a slave to pleasure, that is, if you want to find a good woman.

Secondly, you need to raise your standards for the women that you deal with. You have most likely been ok with the women you have delt with; accepting whatever manner of disrespect they throw at you. I mean to say that you have been ok with dealing with women who do not respect you or like you enough to respect you. This is most likely either because you are not a Man that demands or is deserving of respect, or your standards have been so low for so long that you have gotten used to the quality of women you tend to deal with. But this is absurd! You willingly deal with women that are no good, or are no good for you, who do not respect you, who do not like you, and yet, you wonder why you cannot find a good woman to settle down with! Goofball, you are! You ask for a 5-star steak and are satisfied with the leftovers from work! Raise your standards for the types of women you deal with if you want to find a good woman. Look for a good woman, do not just say that you want a good woman.

Raising one's standards for the Women they decide to deal with, though, necessarily requires that they raise the standards that they have for themselves. Indeed, it is only fair! A good woman should not have to deal with anybody, but with somebody of worth, someone she is attracted to. 

The Type of Man You Must Be (Or Become) To Attract a Good Woman

This leads into the next section of the article, how to attract a good woman. Firstly, you must be attractive. This means getting, and staying in the gym, consistent and good grooming habits, an attractive style and a masculine frame. If you do not have any of these things yet, you must get to work! You cannot be angry at women for not being attracted to you, dear brothers. You are not unattractive for no reason. No, that would be too easy of an excuse; it would assume that there isn't anything you can do about it! You are unattractive for any number of reasons, whether you are fat, skinny, need a haircut or have little to no grooming habits or, worse yet, have terrible social skills. If you are, or have been, rejected by what you can rightly call a good woman, then accept it, improve and move on. You must be constantly improving to become the Man that a good woman is both attracted to and deserving of; this is the only way to get what you truly want. What reason does a young, pretty girl who has worked hard to keep herself high-quality have to stay with a fat, unattractive, porn addicted, incel with no social skills! LOL, bro you're a goofy goober if you think your deserving of such a girl! So, here are a few tips, which you have doubtless already heard before, to increase in attractiveness:

• Gain muscle, Loose fat. That is, go to the gym. Getting to a lower body fat percentage will allow you to gain muscle faster, and will accentuate your jawline, if you have one. Men who are at a lower body fat percentage tend to be more attractive. You will most likely increase in attractiveness, or become attractive, if you decrease your body fat percentage.

• Have good grooming habits. Get a haircut, trim or shave your beard, etc. 

• Brush your teeth, whiten your teeth etc.

• Take care of your skin

And myriad other things that you can do to increase your attractiveness. Along with this, having a masculine frame, that is, being in control of your emotions, not overreacting to every situation, being strong and not weak, being confident, competent and motivated and ambitions, charismatic and socially competent are all things that increases a man's attractiveness.

Secondly, you must be financially stable, that is, you must have a job or vocation. It really doesn't matter what job it is, just as long as you are working. You as a man are obligated to provide and if anyone is worth providing for, it is a good woman.

Thirdly, you must be Virtuous man. A man without virtue is like an animal without training, a wild beast. You must practice virtue to be a masculine man, and a good man to your good woman. You must be strong, courageous, competent, confident, ambitious, motivated, caring, reliable and trustworthy.

Fourthly, to be able to effectively do all of these things. you MUST rid yourself of your resentment of women.

Dealing With Your Bitterness Towards Women

We get it, you've been rejected, let down, cheated on and whatever else. All have probably been the cause of women. You may be angry at them; you may be resentful of them. That is understandable. Those are terrible women you have probably been with, that is not the good woman you are going to be with. One thing you cannot do is resent women. Resentment, especially of women, is not good for growth. Your resentment of women will most certainly drive away a good woman. She will reject you. You shouldn't get mad if that happens. Let us put things into perspective. Consider two 18-year-olds, both working at, say, Walmart, both virgins, both relatively healthy, one boy and one girl. In terms of value, worth and sought-after-ness, the girl is lightyears ahead of the young man, indeed, ahead of most young men. Her value is naturally high than the boys by virtue of her being a woman. Therefore, she is not obligated to get with the boy who is "the same" as her (although, not really), who she many times may not even be attracted to, and that is ok. Do not be angry at that truth.

The only thing you can do is constantly improve in every way possible and become the man that is the object of her desire, if you really want a good woman. She has done her part to maintain being the woman who is the object of your desire. You should do the same.

Conclusion

This concludes the article. This should suffice as a guide of sorts for the man who wants to find a good woman. This will indeed take time, effort, patience and consistency. If a good woman is really something that you want, that is, the result you want to transpire, then you must put in the effort and work to make yourself the type of man that is deserving of that caliber of woman. The results one wants to achieve is dependent upon the actions one takes to achieve them. Therefore, desired results require requisite action. This is the only way you can move forward and achieve your desired results. Therefore, act.

Some Short Advice for the Despondent.

 

The results that one wishes to transpire are dependent upon the actions one takes. Therefore, desired results require requisite action. One is not despondent for no reason, but for any number of reasons, and those reasons have reasons for them as well; that is to say, some undesired result has transpired in your life that is the cause of your despondency. Therefore, any number of reasons or undesired results are the cause for the effect of depression or sadness. If you are sad or depressed, then you need to discover the reasons why (and the reasons for those reasons, if needed) and immediately execute the requisite action needed to resolve those causes. This would imply that the only way out of your despondency is by way of immediate action. Therefore, act and continue not in your despondency.

Some Renovations

After a nice, long talk and harsh criticism, some renovations will be made to this site. These will include the following:

• A change in the general aesthetic of the site as well as its name

• Some past essays that were published being taken down (and maybe will be put back up after extensive revision).

• A drastic change in writing style

Aswell as anything else that comes to mind in the future. This site will have a new look along with a new feel. i hope you enjoy it from here on out!

Take care.

See You In The Morning: On Getting A Good Nights Rest.

  

   

   I must be the first to admit that I now greatly detest my younger self for not sooner realizing the immense value in a consistent sleep schedule. I protested, I resisted, I rebelled against it. I dreamt to stay up all night like the adults. Now that I am an adult, or close to one, I dream to sleep like a child again. I write this with no sleep, I kid you not. I repeat, I have not closed my eyes since I woke up yesterday. Anyhow, we are all rather capricious in our younger years; and we tend to miss those important things, those things of great value, those things that we will eventually miss as we grow older. Like a consistent sleep schedule. I can remember a time when I could wake up properly, do the activities for that day, whether that be going to school or something contrary, come back home, shower, eat, say my prayers and sleep like a baby on Christmas Eve. Now my days are something like this: wake up at 2 past noon, eat, sit and watch youtube videos or social media, exercise, shower, eat, say my prayers, and then get in bed and continue to watch youtube or social media for 7 hours straight, go to sleep at 5 or 6 AM, wash, rinse, repeat. 

   I tire greatly of this vicious cycle. I wish to break it. Which is part of the reason why I have decided to just stay up long enough until night time comes, then I can get back on track, back on a consistent sleep schedule. For now, then, I shall just look something akin to a zombie, or an emo. Speaking of which,you can notice instantly whether a person has gotten a great night's sleep. They are energized, extroverted, and ready to communicate; whereas one who has not had great luck in the sheets (in terms of sleep that is) is, of course, tired, drained, introverted, and would rather you not talk to him. People who get consistent good night sleep are on average more attractive and smarter; ones who do not are just on average less attractive, more so than they are less intelligent. There are, perhaps, many brilliant men who can not get a good lick of sleep for the life of them. But not getting good sleep does not make you brilliant, or more so than you might already be; on the contrary, it makes you duller. Lazy. And most likely, stupider to some degree. I should want to be both attractive and smart rather than one or the either.

   You shall also notice a sharp decrease in productivity without sleep. This is logical. When one is drained of any energy his brain and body may have received from a good rest, one will not have the drive to do much of anything but sit around, watch youtube videos, stay on twitter and worst of all; write about how bad of sleep he's been getting recently! The utter horror of it all! A productive mine is a efficient one. But a mind must first have energy and proper rest before it can be productive and thus effective.

   Here are some solutions for my fellow nocturnals; It may be wise to stay up for one whole day just to reset yourself in a sense, so that you can have a level of exhaustion that is proper for a good night's rest. Exercise during this day, not to extremely though; we want a good night's sleep, not an eternal one. After this has worked, which, I feel, it inevitably will, and you have gotten such a good sleep that you cry tears of joy when you wake up, and praise God above for the sliver of heaven you just experienced, at night, put away all technological devices. Phones, Laptops, tablets and the like. This is so you do not get distracted and stay up longer. If you insist on having one device with you, then make sure you are reading something on that device, an ebook or a pdf file, and are not watching youtube videos. Read something boring, like a science textbook. Those things have a Nyquil like effect. Or you can read one of the greats, and fall asleep in the world of Shakespeare or Charles Dickens. The main thing I would suggest is to keep all devices away from you. it will inevitably end with you back to square one. Read a physical copy of a book to fall asleep to. Or just close your eyes and go to sleep like a normal person would do. That works just as well. I hope this helps my fellow Night Owls. With baggy eyes and a dejected countenance, we will triumph over this insomnia that has plagued us for too long. Excited? I am as well. See you in the morning!

Models Of The Past: Getting Started On Living The Traditional And Virtuous Life.

   

I see many online talk at great length about practicing virtue, learning a skill and living a life of a traditional man. But I feel as if many are left without examples of how one should do that. No models to follow or to copy are presented. It is imperative then that we study the lives of those great men of old and renown that came before us. For without them, we would not be where we are today. So for every aspect of life that a man may improve or have the motivation to, here are the men to emulate to a degree:

1.  In Spiritual Life: All of the Orthodox monks and Church Fathers

2.  In Skill/Talent/Work: The men of the Renaissance era (of course, not adopting their philosophy, but their disposition in work,talent and achievement)

3. In Observing: The Philosophers

    The men of the Renaissance, in public, social and work life, should be emulated; insofar as the Christian Religion allows, so as to not become victim of an extreme rationalism, of which is wholly antipode to the Faith. An important aspect of the era of men in the Renaissance is how they were able to balance their interests, talents, and social life. This is something modern man struggles greatly with, for whatever reason that may be. Thus, why I believe they should be emulated. The Monks and the Church fathers, in the spiritual and religious life, to a degree that is permissible to the majority of the laity, should be emulated heavily. This is self-evident. They teach us in the best way possible how to properly Love God and how to live like it as well. 

   The Philosophers, more specifically Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Blaise Pascal and among others, should be emulated in the manner of accuracy one observes and diagnoses the phenomena of life, especially in the societal, political and socio-existential relm. It must be noted that these aspects of life, for the Christian, should not be in any sort of contention, but should work in a holy unison and harmony. With the spiritual life being primary, and everything latter to it, secondary. This should give many a clear view on how to live a virtuous life; and others a interest in doing so. Whether one is successful in completely emulating these men of renown is not the purpose of living the virtuous life. 

    It is rather a matter of whether one has made God proud by way of one's disposition, that is the determiner for whether one has lived a successful lifestyle. How successful you are in the world has a causal relation to how successful you are with God.